I recently had a coworker say to me, “Drama just seems to follow me around. I don’t want to be a part of it, but it flocks to me. I am tired of being drained by it.” We talked some more and what we figured out is that she was addicted to fixing situations, that the drama made her feel “alive”, it gave her a purpose and distracted her from having to focus on herself. I related to what she was going through. I too at one point was addicted to drama and thrived off of it. Now that I have space from it, I am grateful to not have it in my life. So I am excellent at spotting the signs and warding it off.
Here are 4 tips to help you stop being addicted to and engaging in drama:
1) Don’t create drama for the sense of having a purpose
Really what this sense of purpose boils down to, is gossip. I know that the whole media industry thrives off of gossip and there is plenty of it in regards to stars. But it is really worthless. Gossip just is a gives you a false sense of superiority and ego inflation which just to leaves you feeling worse in the end. It is an temporary high and ends in you feeling bad. Which leads you to start the negative cycle over so that you can raise your low self esteem and self concept by inflating your ego. It is totally a vicious cycle.
2)Admit to yourself that you are addicted to drama and detox from it
Ok, so your ready to admit that you are an addict. So why are you addicted? The addiction is caused by liking the endorphins, the attention, the anxiety and then the self depreciation. Humans love endorphins that is how we get addicted to things. There is something dangerous about engaging in drama. We thrive in the anxiety it creates about someone finding out, the possibily of getting in trouble, which reinforces beliefs that there is something inherently bad about us. If you want to end this self defeating cycle you need to ask yourself, “Is talking about this worth how I will feel afterwards?”
When you get caught in a cycle of drama, there is a part of you that enjoys having something to say and that someone is paying attention to you. As humans we are wired to relate to one another, this is how we survive. If you are used to getting negative attention maybe it is time to ask yourself if you would like to interact with the world in a more positive way? Stop reinforcing the belief that you are bad. You are human and all humans make mistakes. And we all deserve love and positive attention.
3)When you want to engage in drama ask yourself what you are avoiding
9 times out of 10 when you engage in self defeating behavior you are avoiding greater problems. Are there feelings that you are scared of? Are there things that you need to complete that you are dodging? Is your avoidance setting you up for self sabotage? If you truly want to stop engaging in the gossip/ drama trap be willing to journal about these issues. Start to take responsibility for yourself instead of being externally focused. I know it is easier to be externally focused and to not focus on yourself. But by giving yourself this gift you are practicing self care which will in the end you will feel better about yourself. This will help break the cycle of needing the high off of getting negative attention because people will want to hear you for what you have to say about what you believe.
4)Don’t get triangled into other people’s drama
The best way to not be a part of drama is learning to draw boundariesand saying that you can not be a part of an argument that does not involve you. When two friends or family members are having issues with one another and they try to rope you into the disagreement, politely tell them that your are not available for this. Tell them that you are sorry that they are having issues with this person, but that you think that they should talk to them directly about their concerns. When you do this you stop allowing people to involve you in situations that are not your business. If you choose to make it your business then you are feeding into the drama monster. It is up to you what you choose to do. In my opinion it is much easier to just let go and walk away from the situation.
Do you need help with ending the dramas cycle? If so please feel free to contact me.
Do you relate to this? Are struggling to not be drained by drama? Do you have a love/hate relationship with drama? If so please comment below and share your experiences with engaging in drama or trying to quit the drama cycle.