“Resistance by definition is self-sabotage.”
Many people have problems with being their own worst enemies. When in becomes a pattern of unhealthy behaviors, unfulfilled dreams, broken relationships and friendships it is time to find ways to use different strategies with others. People who have patterns of self sabotaging usually have problems with worthiness, feeling comfortable in the status quo and fear change or at least are very apprehensive to it. Here are five ways to stop self sabotaging:
1)Understanding your patterns
Taking time to learn the patterns of how you interact in your relationships with yourself, friends, family and partners is necessary to gain clarity about the decisions that you have made in your life. Is all about taking responsibility for oneself and writing down inventory of the decisions that you have made in your life. Taking a look at what ones choices have been, can bring clarity about the choices that we have made, and the people that you engage with. If you are willing taking inventory of your choices and situations from a objective stand point you can learn a lot about your patterns. Most of the time what we avoid this is fueled by some kind of fear.
2) Seeing and facing your fear
Fear is the spark that lights the fire of self sabotage. It tends to be fueled by the fear of losing something or fear of being hurt. Please remember that fear is a liar. It keeps us stuck in patterns that do not support us or serve us. When we face our fears we dispel them and realize that they were just paper tigers to begin with. We have a choice to live in fear or faith that the universe will help us. Which one would you like to live in?
“Believing in negative thoughts is the single greatest obstruction to success.” ~Charles F. Glassman
3) Be willing to get help
Getting an outside perspective is necessary to make change in ones life. Having a support network can make or break your life. We are social creatures meaning that we need interaction in order to survive. It really does take a village to help people become the person that they are meant to be. If your fears are so great that they are affecting your work, relationships or finances be willing to invest in yourself and gain professional help. Get help from a counselor, therapist or a life coach. There is no shame in asking for help. When we are vulnerable and ask for help we are able to create change in our lives.
You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging. ~Brene Brown
4) Learning to love yourself
Worthiness, is the name of the game when trying to stop self sabotaging. Learning that we are worthy of happiness, love, success and companionship is important in ending self destructive behavior. Nothing outside of you can make you feel this worthy, it is an inside job. It takes self compassion, learning what your needs are, and being vulnerable to develop this. You have to learn to see yourself as a gift to the world and allow yourself to be treated that way. Stoping listening to fear and old beliefs is a beginning step towards learning to love oneself. Asking for help and seeking healing is the next step towards making this change.
“Our stresses, anxieties, pains, and problems arise because we do not see the world, others, or even ourselves as worthy of love.” ~ Prem Prakash
5) Stop hanging out with people who co-sign your bullshit
Lastly, if you truly want to make a change and stop your self destructive behavior you may have to stop hanging out with people who do not call you out on your bullshit. Friends, family and support networks are important because they help with perspective. If you hang out with people who do not keep you honest, or accountable it might be time to let these people go or at least make other friends who challenge you. If you want to stop patterns that are not serving you having those who can support you on the journey is very important. Be willing to ask for help and listen when someone is concerned about your behavior instead of being defensive.
What are the ways that you self sabotage? What would you like to change? Please feel free to comment below.
Do you want to take action to change these patterns take my workshop on April 23rd here is more info:
Do you need help with stopping your pattern of self sabotage? I can help, please contact me: firstname.lastname@example.org or 323.515.2278. Have a blessed and beautiful week!