Why Judgement makes us miserable

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. ~Wayne Dyer

Most people are guilty of making snap judgements about people. We are actually instinctually wired to keep ourselves safe this way of relating is left over from when we had to fear getting eaten by large mammals. But in today’s time this way of relating is obsolete, our worries are based on social standing.
In today’s society we use or judgments of others as leverage to boost our ego and self esteem. The thing about judgement is that if you do it outwardly, you also do it inwardly. We are usually our biggest critics. The more we judge ourselves the more we judge others. It is a vicious cycle that keeps us in never being satisfied with ourselves or others. This is a rough way to live your life. Here are 5 ways that you can let go of judgement:

1) Ask yourself if this is even my judgement?

Many of our judgments are passed down from our family of origin (FOO). When I have taken the time to observe what I judge others and myself about. Many of the domains of judgement are from my FOO. I also tend to notice that there are not my actual beliefs they are just engrained patterns in my head.

What is comes down to is that we have internalized someone else’s judgement of you, a specific type of person or situation from the past. Now the judgement has just transformed into our own voice. Do you still want to provide them a free place to live in your mind? The choice is yours. What I would suggest is that you take the time to see if this is even really your belief and value system, if not evict the voice and stop renting it space.

2) Try labeling what you are doing as judgement and see how it changes.

The key to changing any behavior is to become aware of it. A lot of the time we are unaware of what we are doing and go through life on autopilot. When we begin being more mindful of our automatic responses we are able to make changes in how we react in our life. Remember we are not responsible for the first thought that comes to mind but we are for the second one and the action that we take.

3)Take a break from judgement for two hours.

Treat this task as a observation and curiosity of your reactions to life. Notice in the two hours how many times you judge yourself, friends or strangers. Instead of scolding yourself about your judging,  just label each thought as judgement. The only way to change what you do is to gain awareness of your actions. Notice what the judgements are about. Do these jive with the values that you live your life by? Are you ready to shift these judgements and let them go? Let me know how your experiment goes in the comments below or email me. 

4) Try using compassion instead of judgement towards yourself and others.

When we judge, we create dissatisfaction in our lives. We are basically stating to the universe that we know better. It is a self righteous belief that if things were just the way that we wanted them then everything would be perfect. The issue with relating to life in this way is that it creates expectations ,which lead to inevitable disappointments. The act of judging others does not allow us to be compassionate towards others and to relate to them on a human level. It places us on a pedestal which will lead to use feeling isolated and alone since “we are better than everyone else”.

We are wired as human beings to have community, support, family and friends. Like I said previously judgement is outdated way of relating to others, based in our limbic system to keep us safe. Judgement alienates us from others. Try using compassion to relate to yourself and others, this action is based on building community and support. See how different  you feel when you practice compassion.

5) Notice how much more at ease you feel when you let go of judgement.

Judgement is a heavy weight when you carry it around. It does not allow you to be satisfied with much in your life and it leaves you feeling jaded. The more that you are dissatisfied with your life, the more negativity that you create. When we release negativity and rewire are brain to be more positive, this leads us to be happier.

Just for today try having more compassion for yourself and others. When you notice you are a struggling be kind to yourself instead of asking yourself “what is wrong with you?’ When you notice someone who is struggling try sending them loving kindness instead of the daggers of judgement. When you practice this notice how different you feel. Do you feel lighter, more positive and energized?

Let me know what you thought of this post in the comments below and please feel free to contact me.  Do you want help having more energy and positivity durning the holiday’s? If yes I am holding a positive EFT workshop in LA, learn more here.

Photo: Judgement Day by Tramidepain