The Freedom of Letting Go of Control

In Blog by Celine Redfield2 Comments


“The day I understood everything, was the day I stopped trying to figure everything out. The day I knew peace was the day I let everything go.”
~C. JoyBell C.

If you feel challenged with releasing control I understand, I am a recovering addict of control as well. To tell you honestly, for most of my adult life I was trying to manage and control all aspects of my life. It was exhausting. I never felt fulfilled, I was disgruntled and tired. Since learning the art of letting go and surrendering control, I am a much more peaceful and happy person. Does this sound good? Read the 5 ways you can release control to find more freedom:

1) Trust that you will be taken care of, try faith.
Much of the time when we try to control things it is because we are living in fear that we will not get what we need. This perception is usually due to past experiences of people being unable to show up for us in the way that we needed, especially in our formative years. When we are hurt as children or young adults we have issues with feeling safe. Today we are no longer dependent upon people like when we were kids, as adults we get to choose who we allow into our lives. We create our own safety today. Remember you are not your past, it does not define you, it is just something that you have survived and thrived through.

Try re-wiring your brain to see the positive things in your life and know that the universe wants to take care of you. Try seeing the universe as being something who loves and cares for you, instead of it being out to get you. Your perception of life creates your reality. Be mindful of what you create around you. Try having faith in the process of life instead of needing to control everything. Open your eyes and allow the universe to show you that it has your back.

“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” ~ Albert Einstein

2) Stop manipulating situations.
Manipulation is a passive-aggressive way to gain control in life. It is a part of the power and control paradigm. It is away of coercively communicating, instead of asking for what you need in a direct way. By relating to others in this way it decreases your self concept and creates more drama in your life. Who wants to sign up for that? Relating this way in your life does not allow any possibility of fate, faith, or trusting the process of life. If you truly would like to feel more free, releasing the need for using manipulation is necessary.

If this is an automatic response in your life, then you will need to begin being mindful of what your actions and intentions are when you communicate. Before making a request ask yourself, what am I hoping to get with this request? Are there any ulterior motives? It will take hard work and practice but it is possible. Let me know if you need help in breaking this pattern.

3) Let go of expectations, so that you can be amazed.
Having expectations for where you are supposed to be in life or who someone else is supposed to be is a set up for disappointment. As I have discussed previously, expectations are resentments waiting to happen. They may make you feel more in control in the moment but they limit the possibilities in your life. If you want to be amazed by your life try using a beginners mind or child’s sense of wonder in your life. This way of releasing control by just enjoying what is happening in the present moment which will allow you to feel more joy and peace in your life. Joy and peace are two things that we all could use more of in our lives.

4) Stay in your own hula hoop.
Trying to control others is a crazy making. When we leave our own hula hoop we are asking for pain and frustration. You may believe that if you can control others you will be safe, this is a falsehood. There is no way to control anyone but yourself and your perceptions. Trying to control others is a great way to feel powerless, avoid what is going on with you and keep you addicted to drama. Do you really need any of these things? If you notice that you are trying to control someone else, ask yourself, “What am I avoiding or uncomfortable with?”

5) Be willing to face your fears.
Usually when we need to control everything in our lives it is because we are avoiding some kind of fear. If you would like to find more freedom and happiness by surrendering to what is, this step is absolutely necessary. Fear is created by past experiences and keeps us stuck in old patterns. In order to move forward in our lives we must be willing to look at what we fear.

Try making a list of the fears that you have. By doing this you are admitting to yourself what you are avoiding and you are surrendering the need to control these fears from happening. The more we run from that which haunts us the bigger it gets. When we turn around and face our fears we see that it is just our shadow. If you need help with this process you may want to find professional help. Facing your fears leads to a path of freedom, joy and peace.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou

What are your experiences with needing to manage and control your life? Please share in the comments below! Would you like to receive tips from me on a weekly basis? Sign up here. I am always available for consultations to see if you would like to work with me, contact me here.

Have a beautiful week of wonder and joy,


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